Broken Down


I’m on my fifth day after my last chemo.  I feel so utterly depleted.  I wonder if this is why with many breast cancer patients, they only give you six treatments.  That’s all our bodies can handle.  I’m not as sick as I usually am, but I am the weakest I have ever been in my entire life, and I’m so tired.  So so tired.   I’m too tired to talk, too tired to be with my kids.  I could sleep for 48 hours, get up for a snack and then sleep for another 48, but I can’t.  The steroids keep me up.   My body is limp, but my brain won’t stop moving.  My eyes won’t close.  I look like a horrid Halloween character.  Perhaps someone will dress up as me next year.  I will take it as a compliment after all I have endured.  My legs don’t want to move either.  The muscles in them ache as if I’ve done way too many reps at the gym though I’ve done none.  They are so tight that I can’t even touch my toes.  I just can’t seem to get going.  I don’t want to move.   The only time I do is when I have to make my usual run to the bathroom a million times a day.   My body has had enough.  It’s done.


Author: jillmbarber

I'm a full time mommy to three young children and a part time commercial actor. In March of 2016, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. This is my battle. This is my story.

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